Avengers: I Don't Care What You Think (As Long As It's About Me)
by IBegToDreamAndDiffer
Summary: Loki suddenly gives himself up, easily going into custody when Thor slaps the cuffs on him. Everybody's confused. But no one more so than Tony, because Loki's giving him bedroom eyes and Tony... Tony kinda digs that. See warnings inside.


**Author's Note:**

 **Pairing:** Tony Stark/Loki

 **Warnings:** Explicit sexual content, explicit language, this story is kind of... crack

 **Title/Lyrics:** I Don't Care by Fall Out Boy

 **Disclaimer:** The world and characters of The Avengers belong to Marvel. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

* * *

 _"Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance,_

 _I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants_

 _Pull a breath like another cigarette,_

 _Pawn shop heart trading up, said no"_

.

By the time Tony landed the fight was already over. Loki was sitting on an upturned car, hands half-raised and eyes wide.

'Oh, no,' he drawled when Thor stalked towards him, 'the Mighty Thor has captured me. Curses.'

It was the most _insincere_ tone that Tony had ever heard Loki use... which was saying something. He frowned as he dropped to the ground beside Loki and Thor, the former waving his palms at Thor.

'Well?' Loki questioned.

'Thor frowned. 'What trick are you pulling, Loki?'

'No trick,' Loki insisted. His eyes were wide with false innocence. 'I have simply been bested. Bravo, Thor.'

'I did not do anything,' Thor said, which wasn't a lie. The Avengers had suited up only twenty minutes earlier when reports of Loki's latest attack had reached Stark Tower. Loki had tossed a couple of cars over, ducked a repulsor blast from Tony, and then proceeded to sit on his ass and _wait_.

Hell, Natasha was still landing the quinjet!

'Oh, dear,' Loki said when he allowed Thor to place the magical shackles over his wrists, 'whatever shall I do now?'

'What are you doing?' Thor demanded.

But apparently Loki wasn't in a _giving_ mood; he waved his chained hands and said, 'Not now, Thor,' before turning his attention to Tony. A grin lit up his face and Tony felt heat pool in his gut when those bright eyes slid over his body. 'Good morning, Stark.'

Tony grunted.

'Is something wrong?' Loki asked.

He actually looked... worried? Tony frowned. No, that couldn't be right. 'Well, you see, Rudolph, I got woken up at ass o'clock and pulled out of my big, warm bed to come down here and fight you again. So no, I'm not having a good morning.'

Loki hummed and tilted his head. 'That would explain your hair.'

Pouting, Tony reached up to pat a gauntlet gently over what he knew was a serious case of bed head. 'Well _sorry_ , Reindeer Games, but we can't all just roll out of bed with a fresh L'Oréal look!'

So maybe Tony was being a bit... bitchy. But he'd dropped into bed at four am only to be woken at six am because Loki had decided that Hot Wheels were for pussies.

Loki tilted his head in the other direction. 'Well,' he drawled, 'I quite like it.'

'You- what?' Tony blinked rapidly and Loki gave him a cute little smile that- no, not cute, it wasn't cute, _bad Tony, very bad!_

'I quite like it,' Loki repeated. His eyes turned shifty then, a coy twist to his plush lips. 'But then again, perhaps I like it because I've spent so long fantasising about having you in my bed.'

Tony's mouth dropped open.

'Or finding myself in your bed,' Loki added after a beat. 'I assume that Tony Stark owns a ridiculously large bed that could comfortably fit ten people.'

'I... uh... yes?' Tony tried. Because... his brain wasn't working. This was weird. Was Loki _flirting_ with him?

Well, Loki _always_ flirted with him, but never this _obviously._

'Ooh, just as I imagined,' Loki said. He licked his lips slowly- fucking _tease_ \- and his eyes trailed lazily back down Tony's body. 'Would you like to introduce me to your bed?'

' _What_?' Tony spluttered.

'Enough!' Thor snapped. Tony jolted and turned wide eyes on Thor; he'd honestly forgotten that the other god was even there.

Loki sighed. 'Why must you _always_ ruin my fun, Thor?' he demanded. 'Surely you do not dislike Tony Stark as a possible suitor.'

 _SUITOR?!_ Tony's mind screamed.

'I do not know what you are planning, brother,' Thor said, 'but it will not work.'

For once Loki didn't hiss and spit like a rabid cat at the word _brother_. Instead he shrugged and crossed one leg over the other, restrained hands clasped over one knee. 'Whatever you wish, my Prince. I am your prisoner.'

Tony looked between the two. 'Uh... I'll call Fury?' he said.

'Yes, that would be the best plan,' Thor agreed.

'I shall see you soon, Tony,' Loki said.

Tony said nothing in response, instead letting his helmet reconstruct over his face and drown him in blue data. 'JARVIS, put me through to Fury,' Tony said. He tried not to stare at Loki through the HUD as JARVIS made the call.

Loki was staring at him.

'Wait, did he just call me _Tony_?' Tony shouted at himself.

' _What the fuck now?!_ ' Fury shouted back at him.

Tony groaned. What a way to start the fucking day.

.

.

.

'So we're all in agreement that Loki's up to something?' Tony asked.

The gathered Avengers, Fury, Coulson and Hill all turned to stare at him.

'Yes, Stark,' Fury growled, ' _obviously_ that fucker's up to something.'

Tony nodded. 'Good. Good. I was just making sure that we were all on the same page.'

'It is not like my brother to give up,' Thor said, 'unless he is after something, of course.'

'You mean like the first time we ever met him?' Clint demanded. 'Remember, back when he allowed you, Steve and Tony to catch him and bring him aboard?' He eyed Bruce. 'Does he wanna shake hands with the Hulk again?'

Bruce sighed. 'I hope not.'

'Maybe he's here for Tony,' was Natasha's comment. Tony almost fell out of his seat. Eyebrows raised, Natasha smirked at him. 'What?' she said. 'From what Thor's told us, Loki seemed _very_ interested in chatting with you. Or chatting you _up_.'

'I have no idea what you're talking about,' Tony lied.

Thor frowned at him. 'But Tony, we discussed Loki's words on our way to the Helicarrier, and-'

'Yes, Thor!' Tony interrupted. 'I was there!'

Thor blinked slowly before a grin broke out on his face. 'Ah, you were lying!' he said. 'You are not skilled at it like Loki is, but you are not bad.'

'Thanks, Point Break.' Tony groaned. He wanted to slam his head against the table. Multiple times. Maybe then he'd wake up and be back in the normal world. You know, the one where he woke up at three in the afternoon and had copious amounts of coffee before avoiding any and all responsibilities he had.

He missed that world.

'Can I go home?' he whined at his lap.

'Unfortunately for you and everyone involved, Mr Stark, Loki will only talk to you,' Coulson said.

Tony's head snapped up. 'What?'

'Loki refused to speak to us,' Hill said.

'He talked us in loops before saying that he'd tell us _everything_ if only the "delicious Mr Stark" would ask him the questions.' Fury looked like he was in _pain_ and raised a hand when Clint started snickering. 'His words, not mine. Got something to share with the class, Agent Barton?!' He snapped the last few words in Clint's direction and the archer threw his hands up.

'Nope, nothing!' he said. 'So go on, Tony, get this over with and we can ship Loki back to Asgard.'

'Uh... are we all forgetting the fact that apparently Loki's paid reparations to Asgard?' Tony said.

'I do remember having that conversation after Loki decided to revisit Earth,' Bruce muttered.

'Yes,' Thor said slowly, 'Loki is no longer considered a criminal on Asgard. However, he has caused much mischief here. I do not believe that my father would mind if I dragged Loki back home. I am sure that a few years in a cell would wash away Loki's need to cause chaos on your world.'

'Excellent,' Natasha said. She stood and leaned over the table, getting _far_ too close to Tony for his personal taste. 'Stark,' she said, voice like honey, 'go and talk to the crazy god.'

'Yeah... no, I'm not gonna do that,' Tony said.

'And why not?' Fury demanded.

Because Tony remembered Loki's words, and the look on his face, and the _heat_ in his own gut, and... look, he was Tony Stark, okay? And Tony Stark liked pretty things. Loki was pretty. _Very_ pretty. And smart, and weird, and fucking _insane_ , and if Tony was put into a room alone with him, Loki chained like some naughty little boy that needed _punishment_ , then Tony was pretty sure that he was gonna bend Loki over a table and fuck him right there, CCTV be damned.

His face felt too hot and everybody was staring at him. 'Uh...'

There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder and Tony jumped as his seat was spun around. Now _Fury_ was in his personal space and Tony was about to scream, "Stranger danger!" when Fury pointed at his own face.

'Stark, I want you to look me in the eye,' he said.

'Which one?' Tony asked. Because he couldn't help himself.

Fury's scowl deepened. ' _The only fucking eye you can see_!' he hissed.

'Oh, right, yes; that eye.' Tony blinked.

'Stark,' Fury started again, 'you're going to look me in the eye and repeat after me.'

'Okay...?' Tony tried.

'I, Tony Stark.'

Tony blinked again. Fury's eye narrowed. 'Oh, you mean right now?' Tony asked.

'YES!' Fury bellowed.

Tony winced and reached up to scrub at his cheek. 'Okay, Captain Barbossa, no need to spray it.'

'I, Tony Stark,' Fury repeated.

And like a good little Avenger who _really_ wanted to get out of this bizarre world, Tony said, 'I, Tony Stark.'

'Hereby swear on JARVIS' life.'

'Hereby swear on- wait, why am I swearing on JARVIS' life?' Tony demanded. ' _What_ am I swearing on JARVIS' life? JARVIS is my baby, I'm not-'

'I actually believe that you might keep this promise if I bring your AI into it,' Fury interrupted, 'because god knows that your team mates aren't going to be enough to stop you.'

'What the _fuck_ are you talking about?' Tony demanded.

'I, Tony Stark, swear on JARVIS' life,' Fury said, and he just kept repeating it, not answering any of Tony's questions and completely ignoring every whine and pout Tony gave him.

Even Tony had his limits, so he finally groaned, leaned back, and folded his arms over his chest. 'I, Tony Stark, swear on JARVIS' life that I won't...' He trailed off because Fury had stopped there, good eye boring into Tony's head and making him squirm.

'Swear on JARVIS' life that I won't fuck the Norse God of Mischief and Lies,' Fury finished.

Tony's mouth dropped open. Bruce sighed and Thor muttered something under his breath and there was a _thunk_ that Tony was pretty sure was Clint bashing his head against the table.

'I... what?' Tony said.

'I saw the footage, Stark,' Fury growled, 'and believe me when I say that Thor went into _great_ detail about your conversation with Loki. You are going to swear on JARVIS that no matter what Loki is up to, no matter what he _may_ be up to, and no matter what _happens_ , you, Tony Stark, are not going to fuck him.'

'What, uh... makes you think that I'd even be open to that?' Tony said.

Silence descended on the room and Tony heard Hill snicker.

'Hey!' he snapped, pointing a finger at her and glaring. 'I have self-control!'

'And Loki is charming, beautiful, and a diva like you,' Natasha said. 'Just make the deal, Tony.'

'I... you guys can't seriously believe that I'd screw Loki!' Tony shouted.

More silence. Tony's shoulders slumped when he realised that _every single person in the room_ thought that he'd fuck Loki. Even _Thor_ had gone shifty-eyed!

'Wow,' Tony said, 'okay.' He turned back to Fury. 'Really, guys, I thought you had more faith in me!'

Silence.

'I have self-control,' Tony repeated. 'And I totally don't want Loki! He's insane! And invaded our planet! And he keeps throwing cars at us!'

You could hear a pin drop.

'And... and...' Tony looked around the room quickly but nobody was going to come to his aid. Fury, Coulson and Hill were all staring at him, Natasha was smirking, Steve _and_ Thor both looked like they were in pain, Bruce was rubbing his eyes, and Clint still hadn't lifted his face from the table. In fact, if Tony tried _really_ hard, he was pretty sure that he'd be able to hear Clint cursing Tony's entire existence.

'I...' He wet his lips before an honest to god _whine_ escaped his mouth. 'No!' he groaned. 'You can't make me promise that! Have you _seen_ Loki?'

'Your word, Stark,' Fury said.

'No!'

'I will boot you off of this team faster than you can say " _please let me fuck you, Loki_ ",' Fury growled.

'You're so _mean_ ,' Tony complained, 'it's not like I'm gonna sell him SHIELD secrets or anything, and besides, maybe he wouldn't want _me_ -'

'STARK!' Fury bellowed.

'FINE!' Tony shouted right back. Feeling very much like he was sixteen again- because he and Howard had had this exact conversation more than a dozen times in Tony's youth- Tony recited Fury's words like a good little Avenger. 'I, Tony Stark, swear on JARVIS' life that I won't... that I won't fuck the Norse God of Mischief and Lies.' He pouted. 'There, happy?'

'Immensely,' Fury muttered, tone sarcastic. Tony poked his tongue out. 'Now go talk to the insane god in question.'

'I hate you all,' Tony announced before throwing himself to his feet. He stalked out of the room with all of the anger he could muster, which wasn't much. Because as he slipped through the door and marched down the hallway, Tony realised that Fury hadn't made him swear that _Loki_ wouldn't fuck _him_.

He grinned.

Back in the room, Thor raised his hand.

Fury sighed. 'Yes, Thor?'

'Are you sure that that was wise?' the Thunder God asked. 'Perhaps Stark was not thinking of having relations with my brother, and now you have planted the idea in his head.'

Fury glared at him.

'Oh, no, the idea's been there for a _long_ time,' Bruce muttered. He rolled his eyes when he realised that he had everybody's attention. 'I'm not the only one who's seen the way they stare at each other, am I?'

'No.'

'No.'

'I've watched so much footage.'

'Really, it's disgusting.'

'Ass,' Clint muttered, voice muffled by the table. 'Loki keeps staring at Tony's ass.'

Natasha patted him on the shoulder, her eyes on Fury. 'Director, you don't really think that swearing on JARVIS' life will stop Tony, do you?'

'Hell no.' Fury grunted. 'But maybe he'll stop and think and actually use that fucking giant brain of his to realise what a fucking _stupid_ idea it'd be.'

'Please stop talking,' Clint murmured.

'Yes,' Bruce agreed, 'why talk when we can watch?'

Because Coulson had pulled up the video feed from Loki's cell- a nice, shiny steel one with a one-way window and only one door leading in or out. And Tony Stark was currently sitting in the seat across from the Trickster.

.

.

.

'Ah,' Loki said when Tony closed the door behind him and slid into the seat opposite Loki. 'Is your morning fairing any better, Tony?'

Tony frowned. 'Why do you keep calling me that?'

Linking his hands over the table, Loki cocked his head. 'That is your name, is it not?'

'Well... technically it's Anthony, but yeah,' Tony said.

Loki hummed. 'I do believe that I read that somewhere. Do you prefer Tony or Anthony?'

 _You can call me whatever you want,_ Tony thought. But no, no; he'd made a deal. And he was gonna stick to it for at _least_ today. Maybe tomorrow, too. 'Whichever,' he said.

'Anthony.' It was as though Loki was _tasting_ his name and Tony shifted uneasily in his seat. That... really shouldn't have been as hot as it was. 'Anthony, then,' Loki finally settled on. 'Is your morning fairing any better, Anthony?'

'Not really,' Tony said.

Frowning, Loki asked, 'And why is that? Is there somebody that you'd like me to destroy?'

'Not unless you're into beating yourself up,' Tony said.

The god's frown deepened. 'Come again?'

' _You're_ the one being a fruit cake here!' Tony snapped.

'Fruit cake,' Loki echoed. 'I do not believe that I've come across that phrase.'

'It means that you're being a little more crazy than usual,' Tony said. 'You handed yourself in, Loki. What's up with that?'

'Ah, yes,' Loki said. 'I'm afraid that I've grown rather bored, Anthony. Being a super villain is fun and all, but there's only so many times that I can throw you Midgardians into various buildings before even I begin to tire.' He sighed. 'And Thor's puppy dog eyes weigh heavily on my soul. Have you seen them? It is impossible to stay mad at Thor; believe me, I've spent the last two years trying.'

Loki leaned back in his seat and smirked. It was decidedly wicked and Tony had to forcefully remind himself that he was not allowed to fuck Loki, Norse God of Mischief and Lies.

He could totally stay away from Loki... for at _least_ fifteen hours.

'But enough about that,' Loki continued, 'I do believe that you still owe me a drink. And you _did_ promise to show me your bed.'

Tony jumped. 'What? No I didn't!'

'You did.'

'I did not!'

'I do believe-'

'No!' Tony interrupted, eyes wide. 'I promised you a _drink_! That was all, Rudolph!'

'Oh,' Loki said. He pouted. 'So you don't wish to show me your bed?'

'What the hell are you _doing_?' Tony demanded.

'Taking our flirting to the next level,' Loki told him. 'I must admit that I have enjoyed our verbal sparring, Anthony, but do not think that I am blind to the way you look at me.' He leaned forward again, tongue poking out to swipe at his bottom lip. 'Surely you have seen the way that I look at you.'

Tony gulped. 'Uh... I... I don't make it a habit to flirt with super villains.'

One sleek eyebrow popped up Loki's forehead. 'Correct me if I am wrong, Anthony- and believe me, my memories of that time are certainly blurry.' He paused, a sardonic twist to his mouth. 'I wasn't alone in my mind, you see. But I _do_ remember there being quite a lot of sexual tension underlining our very first conversation together. It has certainly grown quite impossible to ignore over the past few months.'

'Uh...' Tony wet his own lips, saw Loki's eyes track the movement, swallowed again and tried to get his fucking shit together. 'Okay, so I don't make it a habit to flirt with super villains...' He paused. 'Except you,' he finished, because really; who the hell was he kidding?

Loki fluttered his eyelids. 'Why, Anthony, I always knew that I was special.'

'Special's not the word I'd use,' Tony muttered. Loki just smiled at him. 'So let me get this straight,' he said, 'you're suddenly _bored_ of being a super villain and, what, wanna be a hero?'

'But of course,' Loki said. He spread his arms as far as he could; which wasn't very far at all, what with the thick bronze bands wrapped around his wrists. 'Surely Thor has spoken at length about me; it can be difficult to shut him up. I was considered a hero, once upon a time. I simply had a misstep or two.'

'You mean when you tried to destroy your birth realm and then tried to commit suicide and _then_ tried to take over another planet?' Tony asked.

A stormy look had entered Loki's eyes, but he nodded slowly. 'Yes,' he eventually said. 'Quite a few missteps, I will admit. But that's all in the past. I am a genius in many areas of study, Anthony. Surely even your fellow Midgardians can see what a boon it would be to have me on your side instead of against you.'

Sighing, Loki reached up to brush a strand of curly hair from his face.

'And,' he continued, 'I will admit that you are a large part of my shifting allegiance.'

Tony frowned. 'Me? What did I do?'

'Why, you were irresistible, of course,' Loki said. He rolled his eyes when Tony puffed his chest up. 'Oh, the ego on you,' he murmured.

'Like you have any room to talk, Dancer!' Tony snapped.

Loki smiled slightly. 'I figured that it would be _much_ easier to bed you if I were on your side,' he said. Tony's jaw dropped. 'Of course, we can always re-visit our old relationship in the bedroom,' he continued. 'I know that you are just _dying_ to kneel for me, Man of Iron.'

'Okay!' Tony pushed back from the table so abruptly that his chair fell backwards. Loki chuckled as Tony scrambled to pick it up, the stupid thing making as much noise as humanly possible. 'I'm just gonna go run that- _some of that_ \- past Fury.'

Loki frowned. 'Why?'

'Lokes, I can't exactly just _pardon_ you and let you on the team.' Tony frowned. 'You want on the team, right?'

'I would not be opposed to it, no,' Loki said, 'though I do not wish to be called an Avenger. My name will simply do. Or you can call me _God_.'

'Right... right... what the _fuck_?' Tony muttered to himself.

'And why can't you just accept me?' Loki questioned.

'Do you seriously think that we're just gonna let you on the team?' Tony asked.

'Well, no,' Loki said, voice a drawl. 'I suppose that I will be under some sort of arrest, my actions limited until such a time as I can prove myself loyal to the cause, etcetera, etcetera.' He tilted his head and leaned further over the table. Tony took a step back. 'Why do you need Fury's permission?'

'He's kind of... in charge of us?' Tony tried. Frowned, tried again; 'Well, the World Security Council have the _most_ power; they monitor us and make sure we don't step off the edge. But Fury's still, technically, our boss... of sorts... kinda.'

Loki frowned. 'So you are the leader in battle, then.'

'Noo...' Tony drew the word out. 'That would be Steve.' Loki stared blankly at him. 'Uh, Steve Rogers?' Tony tried. 'Captain America?'

'The blond who rushes into battle in his bed clothes?' Loki said.

Tony giggled at that and a spark entered Loki's eyes. It was dangerous and heady and Tony could seriously become addicted to that look. 'Yeah, that's him,' he said, voice just a bit hoarse. Loki noticed, if the smirk on his face was anything to go by. 'He has more battle experience than the rest of us. Well, I guess that Thor has the most experience working with a unit, but Thor's Thor and Steve actually understands more 21st Century human phrases than Thor does, so...'

He trailed off and fidgeted, now standing between his vacated seat and the door. Loki was staring at him.

'I see,' the Trickster finally said. 'Well then, run along to Fury and _Steve_ and tell them of my offer.'

'Right, I'll just go do that,' Tony said and quickly shuffled backwards. He was almost out the door when Loki called after him;

'Anthony?'

Despite his better judgement, Tony paused and looked back. There was that spark again, accompanied by glossy red lips and a hint of bright white teeth. Tony gulped. 'Y-Yeah?'

'Make sure that your sheets are clean,' Loki said.

Tony fell through the door.

But he could _totally_ abide by his words. He would not fuck the Norse God of Mischief and Lies...

… for at _least_ five hours.

.

.

.

Tony had absolutely zero control over the entire situation. It was both thrilling and disconcerting. Because usually Tony was the attacker, hunting down whomever had caught his attention that day/night and using every trick he knew and every piece of charm he had to talk somebody into his bed.

He wasn't used to being on the receiving end of that. He wasn't used to being this turned on and wanting someone _this_ badly after only a few brief conversation. Tony was thankful that Loki had, apparently, been holding back until now. Because if Loki had been like _that_ the first few times they'd fought each other, Tony would have ripped his suit off and mounted Loki on the goddamn street.

He stumbled through the door and back into the conference room. Because apparently he just couldn't work doors today, and that was so Loki's fault. Tony was gonna punish him later. With handfuffs. Fluffy, purple handcuffs.

Everybody was waiting, already staring at him, and Tony stood as tall as he could and jerked a thumb over one shoulder. He had to clear his throat to get the words out; 'You guys caught most of that, right?'

'Unfortunately,' Fury said, a sigh accompanying his words.

'Oh, good,' Tony said. He threw himself back into his seat and had to grip the table, because goddamn he felt like he was gonna float away. 'And what are we doing about it?'

'You aren't doing anything,' Fury growled.

'Even I think it's a good idea,' Bruce said.

Tony frowned. 'You do?'

Bruce nodded. 'Like Loki said, he _is_ a genius in many areas; magic isn't something we understand yet, despite our best efforts.' Tony pouted. He really _had_ been trying to learn it. 'If Loki's sincere, and if we can curb some of his more volatile habits, I don't see why we shouldn't make him a part of the team.'

'But I don't wanna work with him!' Clint whined. 'He's insane! And he wants to screw Tony's brains out! Nobody who wants to do that can be trusted!'

'Hey!' Now Tony was whining, just _great_.

'Thor,' Fury said before Tony and Clint could truly start bickering like the toddlers they claimed not to be. 'What's your take on this?'

Thor stared at him. 'On Loki's offer, or his apparent want to have sexual relations with Tony Stark?'

'Oh my God,' Tony moaned and flopped onto the table.

'The former!' Fury snapped.

'Ah.' Thor hummed, frowned, hummed some more and stroked his beard. 'Loki was indeed once considered a mighty warrior on Asgard. He could never be bested in battle; not because he was the strongest, nor the fastest- though he could always hold his own against me, no matter what weapons we used. He was never bested because he was too _brilliant_ to be outdone.' His tone turned soft, a smile accompanying it. 'Fighting beside Loki is something else entirely and I miss it dearly. If Loki is offering us his loyalty, we would be fools to turn down such an offer.'

'So you think we should just let him go and trust him?' Coulson asked.

'Of course not,' Thor said. He was grinning broadly. 'I will simply apply my own spells to the cuffs my father fashioned for Loki. He will only be able to use his magic when I allow it. When we are not in battle, Loki will not be able to harm any of us.'

'Last I checked, the guy was still fucking _super_ strong,' Tony piped in. 'Like, stronger than Steve.'

'You're into that, aren't you?' Clint commented. Tony stared at him and Clint grinned stupidly. 'What?' he said. 'If this is happening, I'm gonna have some _damn_ fun at your expense.'

'Why do you all hate me?' Tony whined.

'Tony, we don't hate you,' Steve said. He sobered quickly and glanced at Thor. 'Are you sure that he can be trusted?'

'No,' Thor said, 'we would be fools to blindly trust Loki. Even when he was of pure heart, there was darkness within him. It is Loki's nature to lie and steal and cause mischief. But, he is able to reign his more destructive habits in. If he wants Tony, and is bored of being a villain, then he will work with us.'

'Who the hell gets _bored_ with being a super villain?' Clint muttered, more to himself than to the team. But Thor answered anyway;

'That is within Loki's nature, too,' the Thunderer said. 'Loki's mind moves quickly and he bores easily. Not much other than magic can keep his attention for long.' He turned to clap Tony on the back and Tony almost face-planted back into the table. 'You must stay on your toes if you plan to court my brother, Tony!' he boomed. 'Although I do believe that you will be fine; you have kept Loki's attention for over two years!'

'Yay,' Tony mumbled, 'go me.'

'Alright,' Fury said, 'if everyone's in agreement, we take Loki on, but Thor will... do whatever the fuck he's going to do to those cuffs. Stark, go tell Loki; we'll straighten everything else out without you.'

'What, why?' Tony said. 'I'm a part of this team!'

'Because I don't trust you not to molest the fucking guy before everything's hashed out!' Fury shouted at him.

'So you're sending me to a cell to be _alone_ with the guy I want to molest?' Tony demanded. 'That's just poor judgement, Fury.'

The director _puffed up_ and bellowed, ' _Get out_!'

'I hate all of you,' Tony announced as he stood. 'I just want you all to know that.'

'We don't hate you, Tony!' Steve tried.

'I do!' Clint said.

'I can't believe that _this_ is what I've decided to dedicate my life to,' Bruce grumbled.

'Maybe it was the Other Guy,' Tony suggested. He yelped and ducked through the door when Fury threw a StarkPad at him.

.

.

.

The Avengers released a press statement, with full support from the World Security Council, the United States Government _and_ the United Nations, stating that Loki Laufeyson was on probation and would be fighting alongside the Avengers.

Loki grumbled and cursed when he was told of his restrictions, and when Thor placed his own magic on the cuffs, but agreed readily enough. He stared at Tony the entire time, too, and even the others could feel the heat building between them. Clint called Tony every name under the sun until Steve threatened to hit him.

When all was said and done, it was just Tony and Loki in the elevator, shooting up the many floors of Stark Tower. The Avengers had declined to spend any more time with them; not even Thor wanted to be alone with Tony and Loki.

'So...' Tony said as Loki inspected the cuffs wrapped around his wrists. The chains had been removed and the runes glowed a faint red. Apparently they would turn green when Loki's magic was released.

'So,' Loki echoed. 'Alone at last,' he added, a filthy smirk on his face.

'Yeah, about that...' Tony said.

The elevator dinged and JARVIS announced, ' _Mr Stark's penthouse_.'

'What?' Tony glared up at one of JARVIS' sensors. 'I don't remember telling you to bring us here.'

' _I assumed, Mr Stark,_ ' JARVIS said.

'What an interesting creature you have created,' Loki mused.

'He's artificial intelligence, not a creature,' Tony told him. Loki stared blankly. 'A computer,' Tony elaborated.

'Oh,' Loki said. 'You will have to teach me more about your technology. I have looked into it myself, but my studies have not gotten very far.'

'Yeah, I'll get right on that,' Tony grumbled. He stormed from the elevator and through the living room, right up to the bar where he grabbed the biggest, most expensive bottle of scotch he owned. He turned to pour a glass but suddenly found over six feet of Norse God pressed right up against him.

He shivered so violently that he almost dropped the bottle. Loki caught it swiftly, nimble fingers brushing past Tony as he set the bottle on the counter.

'Anthony,' Loki purred.

'Yeah?' Tony squeaked.

'Are we done playing games now?' Loki asked. He bent to press his nose to Tony's neck and inhaled sharply.

Tony shook again.

'Uh... w-what games were we playing?'

'The ones where we dance around the fact that we very much want to fuck each other,' Loki said.

'Wow, look at you understanding our slang,' Tony mumbled. He felt lips touch his skin, a tongue dart out to lick a broad swipe up to his ear.

'I think you will find that I am quite a fast learner,' Loki whispered.

 _Oh God_ , Tony thought.

'If it is alright with you,' Loki continued, 'I would like to skip that drink and finally see if your bed is bigger than what I have imagined it to be.'

'So, um... what, you become an Avenger and we just fuck each other's brains out?' Tony asked.

Loki hummed an affirmative, face now buried in Tony's hair.

'And when you get bored of me?' Tony asked, voice barely a whisper.

Loki jerked back, a frown on his lips. 'Why would I tire of you?'

'Thor said it himself; you get bored easily,' Tony said.

'Yes,' Loki agreed, 'and if what I've read about you is even slightly factual, you, too, bore easily.'

'Well, yeah...'

'I think you will find that when I am very interested in something... or some _one_...' Loki drawled, bending down to look Tony in the eyes, 'I give it my entire attention.' Tony gulped. 'And if you continue to astound me as you have been for the entire time that I have known you, then you will find, Anthony, that I will not walk away quite so easily.'

Tony blinked rapidly. 'Is that a love confession?'

Chuckling, Loki said, 'Not quite, no. But if you can win me over...' He trailed off and pressed his lips to Tony's cheek, the touch somehow burning Tony despite how cool Loki's skin felt. 'I will fuck you so sweetly, so roughly, that you will beg for me to come back to bed every time we must leave it,' Loki said. 'I will cook you whatever meal I can manage. I will learn everything you know and teach you everything I have learned in my long life. I will devote myself to you and everything you care for, if you do the same in return.

'A balance, Anthony,' Loki said. 'Understanding. Acceptance.' He paused, soft smile quickly replaced by a devilish curl of lips. 'And many, many hours spent twisted together in a sweaty heap, our bodies begging for rest after the mountains of pleasure we have forced upon them.'

Tony didn't think that he was capable of English any more. No, scratch that; he wasn't capable of speech.

So he just nodded.

'A deal, then?' Loki asked. 'My understanding for yours; my acceptance for yours.'

'Sex,' Tony croaked. 'That, too.'

'But of course,' Loki purred. He pressed himself further against Tony, almost bent him right back over the bar. 'Do we have a deal, Anthony?'

'Fuck, yes!' Tony hissed. He wrapped his arms around Loki's neck and _crushed_ their lips together.

The kiss was everything Tony had imagined and yet not; because Loki _threw himself_ into it, his hands dropping to cup Tony's ass and _squeeze_. He pushed his crotch up against Tony's belly and bit his lips apart, licked his way into Tony's mouth and sucked on his tongue and made sinfully _filthy_ noises that had Tony hard in about five seconds flat.

And then Loki lifted him, placed him on the bar, and stood back. Tony watched, eyes wide, as Loki muttered something and twisted his fingers into strange patterns. The runes on his cuffs flared before turning bright green.

'Ah... that's not supposed to happen without Thor,' Tony panted.

'I will admit that it took me at _least_ five minutes to circumnavigate his spell,' Loki said. 'I can replace it before he sees me again.'

'Oh my fucking God, I might _just_ be in love with you,' Tony said. Because Loki was brilliant and crazy and fucking _amazing_. And his eyes widened when Tony said that, true surprise licking at green irises. But then it was washed away by want and _need_ and Loki snapped his fingers and Tony's clothes disappeared.

Oh, so Tony's bar was pretty cold on naked flesh, but then Loki was back, large hands spreading Tony's knees apart and lips brushing Tony's aching prick.

'Loki,' Tony whined when the god breathed over his length, tongue darting out to give a little lick. In a split second Loki had swooped down, engulfed Tony's cock in one movement, the head hitting the back of Loki's throat and being _squeezed_ when Loki swallowed. Tony shouted and jerked upward, but one arm over his hips had him held down, Loki's strength impossible for Tony to fight against.

He sucked and licked and _Christ_ , what the _fuck_ was he doing with his tongue? There were fingers on his balls, squeezing tightly but fondling when Tony hissed in pain and Loki began to learn just what Tony liked. Tony's nails scraped against the smooth bar until his fingers found their way into Loki's hair.

He moaned wantonly when Loki gave a long, slow slurp, Tony looking down just in time to see his cock disappearing back into Loki's too hot mouth. He dug his nails into Loki's scalp and _pulled_ on his hair and Loki moaned around Tony's flesh, apparently liking it a little rough.

Oh, Tony could totally do that. Just as soon as his brain came back online and Loki stopped sucking it and everything Tony had ever known straight out of his dick.

Because that's what Loki was doing, and those fingers were slick, now, and circling Tony's ass, brushing the rim and pushing in only to retreat, to give a taste, teasing but never giving until one plunged right in, right up to the knuckle, and Tony's hips bucked, Loki let him go, and Tony came right down Loki's throat.

Loki, who swallowed it all down like he was _greedy_ for it, eyes pitch black as he looked up and watched Tony become completely un-fucking- _done_.

Tony collapsed backwards onto the bar- no, wait, it was too soft. He peeled his eyes open and found himself staring at his own bedroom ceiling. Loki was still between his legs, on his knees, now, lips swollen and red, come trying to escape the corner of his mouth.

' _Christ_ ,' Tony choked out.

'Are you alive?' Loki asked.

'Yes,' Tony whimpered. 'Are you?'

Loki chuckled and rubbed his hands down Tony's overheated thighs. 'I'm not done with you yet, Anthony.'

Tony whined. 'Sorry to tell you, Lokes, but I'm a forty-six year-old human man.' He opened his eyes to find Loki staring at him, eyebrows up. 'It's gonna be at _least_ an hour before I'm fully recovered.'

'What a true pity,' Loki mused. 'But what a blessing for you that your bed partner is a mage.'

'Say what?'

Loki flipped Tony. Tony let out an _umph_ , mouth full of comforter and a very hot Norse God draped over his back. He could feel Loki's cock- large, thick- sliding between his cheeks, and when the _fuck_ had Loki gotten naked?

'I will enter you while you are weak with pleasure,' Loki said, 'and only when you begin to whine will I allow you to feel pleasure again.'

'W-What?'

'Do you wish to stop?' Loki asked. His hands were back on Tony's ass, strong fingers kneeding each cheek, and Tony whimpered. He was _definitely_ up for having Loki fuck him every which way, but with the way this was already going, he was pretty sure that he'd actually fucking cry if Loki so much as _thought_ about touching his prostate.

'No,' he finally said, 'I don't want to stop, but-'

'Then allow me to take care of you,' Loki interrupted. 'Do you trust me, Anthony?'

Of all the _fucking_ questions. 'Yes,' Tony said before his brain could catch up... because apparently he _did_ trust Loki.

Huh.

Loki froze behind him. Tony heard the sharp inhale, the shaky exhale, and felt the soft, almost hesitant, way that Loki touched the backs of his thighs. 'I see,' he said. He bent down to press a kiss to Tony's lower back. His tongue trailed lower and Tony shivered. 'Thank you, Anthony.'

'Welcome,' Tony murmured, 'but seriously, I need time to-'

'Magic, Anthony,' Loki interrupted. 'There is much you need to learn. And I will be quite _delighted_ to teach you.'

His fingers slid into Tony then, two of them, all the way in and then out again. Tony groaned and rolled his hips back. Because he liked having things in his ass, okay, and Loki was careful, almost _reverent_ , and not once did he push too far or force Tony too deep. He stroked Tony's insides and carefully pulled his muscles apart until Tony felt soaked and pliant and completely fucking _spent_.

Only then did Loki shift over him, body large and heavy but Loki careful as he slid his cockhead down Tony's back and between the part of his cheeks.

'Lesson one,' Loki said. His voice was hoarse, the first _true_ indication that he was as wrecked by whatever the fuck was between them as Tony was. 'I am skilled at manipulating the body.'

Tony frowned, eyes tiredly peeling open. He felt a cool hand on his back at the same moment that Loki's cock speared him open. At first it was simply nice and then heat flared out from Loki's palm, scorching, diving into Tony's belly and exploding outward.

Tony gasped and arched back, up onto his hands and knees, practically _fucking_ himself back onto Loki's prick. Every nerve was on fire and a heat was building deep within and-

' _Oh my fucking God, Loki, move, move, please, movemovemove- YES_!'

Loki fucked into him with abandon. In, out, in, balls slapping against Tony, fingers tight on his hips, every breath torn from him as Tony whined and bucked beneath him. Loki was obviously the stronger of the two but his grip was anchoring, the god moving with Tony instead of against him, each piston of his hips another shot of pure fucking pleasure right up Tony's spine.

It was like he could feel every inch of Loki's glorious cock- and oh, there were _so_ many lovely inches- every vein, every pulse of Loki's erratic heartbeat as he fucked Tony like this was the first, the _last_ , time they'd ever get to do it.

Tony was by no means a quiet lover, but he'd never been _this_ vocal. He screamed Loki's name and begged for it harder, faster, whined and swore when Loki slowed to drag his cock achingly slowly over Tony's prostate. Tony was on fire and his ass was _throbbing_ and just when he was about to come a second time Loki pulled out, flipped him onto his back, _wrenched_ Tony's legs apart and _fucked_ back in, in, in, never stopping, eyes on Tony's, sweat dripping down his nose and hair sticking to his face.

Tony leapt up and wrapped his arms, his legs, tightly around Loki's body. He moved his hips as best he could,

accepted each push in and impaled himself back onto Loki's cock whenever it tried to leave. He bit at Loki's cheek, his chin, until he could find Loki's mouth, and only when they were sharing breath, only when Loki inhaled every time Tony exhaled, did Tony push himself up against the god and completely let go.

It was like every orgasm he'd ever had, somehow combining to completely fucking _shatter_ Tony's entire being. He screamed Loki's name and clenched down so hard that he was surprised Loki could keep thrusting.

But Loki was right there with him, a breathless, _wrecked_ , ' _Tony_ ,' falling from Loki's lips as he finally pushed up and shuddered to a climax.

He dropped Tony onto the bed and fell atop him, knocking what little air remained in Tony's body right out. Tony gasped and arched up and Loki thankfully shifted to the side, just far enough away that Tony could breathe, but not so far that Tony couldn't continue to cling to Loki like a leech.

The room was filled with their desperate breaths, Tony's ruffling Loki's hair, Loki's lips grazing Tony's ear and sending pleasant little aftershocks of pleasure through Tony's body.

'That,' Tony croaked when he could speak again, 'was fucking amazing.'

Loki chuckled. 'I did warn you.'

'Y-Yeah,' Tony said. 'That... we're doing that again.'

'I agree.'

'Multiple times.'

'I also agree to that.'

Tony laughed. 'I am completely out of my fucking mind.'

Loki hummed and pressed a gentle kiss to Tony's earlobe. 'Then you are in good company, Anthony.'

Tony sighed and settled back onto the bed. His legs were officially broken and he wasn't moving for at least twelve hours. If Loki wanted anything he'd have to get it himself of carry Tony.

'Perhaps, after a few hours of rest and a meal, you can fuck me,' Loki said.

'Oh.' Tony frowned and he heard Loki shift.

'Is something wrong?' Loki asked. Tony turned to see Loki staring at him, concern slightly colouring his brilliant eyes. 'Are you a bottom? I have been researching the sexualities you Midgardians have labelled. I wanted to be sure that you would actually welcome my advances before I turned myself in. It is my understanding that a few men who identifity as homosexual either prefer to only top or bottom.'

'Christ,' Tony moaned. Did Loki own a computer? If so, Tony was gonna have to monitor his internet searches. 'No, Loki, I'm not a bottom. Switching- it's called switching when a guy likes both.'

'I see,' Loki said. 'So what is the problem?'

'I just...' Tony bit his lip. 'I maybe, kinda promised Fury and the Avengers that I wouldn't fuck you?'

Loki frowned. 'Why?'

'Fury might be under the impression that I'm a man-whore and can't keep it in my pants,' Tony said. 'And he might have realised that at some point in the near future I was gonna climb you.'

Head tilted, Loki trailed his fingers up Tony's thigh, past his cock, smoothed over his belly. 'I still do not understand the problem.'

'No problem,' Tony said, 'I was just hoping to make it at least _three_ hours before I broke my promise and fucked you into my mattress.'

A wicked grin overtook Loki's face and Tony felt his stomach jolt.

'One hour,' he said, 'I can keep my promise for one whole hour.'

'Oh, Anthony.' Loki chuckled. 'You do not know me well enough just yet.' He press his hand firmly against Tony's stomach.

Heat. Pressure. Tony's cock jerked upward.

'Oh,' he breathed.

'Shall we begin?' Loki asked.

.

.

.

Tony's entire upper body was floating but his lower half definitely needed more rest. He'd never felt this clumsy before in his life. His legs ached and he was pretty sure that if he actually sat in one of Steve's chairs to eat breakfast he'd straight up cry.

The Avengers were all there when Tony stumbled into Steve's kitchen the morning following Loki's official change of heart and Tony winced when all eyes turned on him.

'Congratulations, Tony!' Thor raised his mug of coffee. 'I will be glad to welcome you into the House of Odin when the time comes!'

'Oh, God,' Tony groaned.

'So how long was that?' Natasha asked, her eyes roaming over the frankly _ridiculous_ amount of hickies that Loki had left on Tony's neck. He looked like he'd been attacked by a bag of leeches.

'Half-an-hour from the time we were alone to him fucking me,' Loki said, suddenly just _there_. Tony scowled when Loki wrapped himself around the genius, his hair tickling Tony's neck and lips fluttering over his cheek. 'I would say a half hour,' Loki added, 'wouldn't you?'

Clint was handing twenty dollars over to Natasha, and Bruce was collecting fifty from the red-head.

'More like twenty minutes,' Tony said, 'I kinda lost track of time after you-'

'NO!' Clint shouted.

'Nobody wants to hear that,' Steve said. 'Sit down, both of you.'

Loki glared at the super soldier but allowed Tony to steer him into a seat. When Tony hesitated before taking his own, Clint groaned and covered his eyes, while Natasha and Bruce shared a deeply amused look. Thor, thankfully, seemed somewhat oblivious and continued to devour the mountain of scrambled eggs and bacon that Steve had cooked.

Loki hooked an arm around Tony's waist and dragged him onto his lap.

'Brother,' Thor said.

'Yes, Thor?' Loki responded.

Tony saw the warmth in Thor's eyes, the look of _finally_ written all over his face. He didn't point it out.

'Shall we spar in the gym after we have consumed our morning meal?' Thor asked.

'Perhaps after dinner, Thor,' Loki said. 'Anthony was going to show me his own brand of magic.'

Thor frowned. 'Magic?'

'Science,' Tony said.

'Ah.' Thor nodded. 'Very well, brother.'

'Is this gonna happen every meal?' Clint demanded.

'Not every meal, no,' Tony said. ''Cause Loki had this idea about chocolate sauce and-'

'NO!' Clint shouted. 'Goddamn it, Stark, you couldn't even last one damn day!'

Tony pouted. 'I lasted twenty minutes!'

'Ten,' Loki corrected. Tony glanced at him and Loki smiled. 'I am quite persuasive.'

Tony laughed. 'Okay,' he said, 'so I have poor self-control and you're fucking sex on legs.'

'That I am,' Loki agreed and pulled Tony in for a kiss.

.

 _"I don't care what you think,_

 _As long as it's about me_

 _The best of us can find happiness, in misery_

 _I don't care what you think,_

 _As long as it's about me_

 _The best of us can find happiness, in misery"_

 _– I Don't Care [Fall Out Boy]_

.

 _Fin._

* * *

 **Author's Note:** So... I was at work last night and this entire freaking thing just hit me. I work midnight to dawn so the entire time that I was cleaning and re-stocking the store, this story was running through my head. And I just kept thinking about it and repeating everything to myself so that as soon as I got home I could write it. More than one customer side-eyed me 'cause I was talking to myself.

And that's that! Planned it over the course of my shift and wrote it in two hours. I had a lot of fucking fun writing this, let me tell you. No idea why.

But I hope you enjoyed it!

Cheers,

Dreamer


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